Jan-Feb 2002

Continued......

On to some better news my sisters 21st was okay, not as good as I worked myself up for it to be. Vince did come for a little while but he was snobby and had some weirdo mate with him too. I don't like him what was I even thinking? hahaha anyway he wasn't interested either. I recon he is gay. As they say 'there is plenty other fish in the sea'. Hmm.. hard though with having a child, who will except that responsibility. Sophie got me onto a
dating service over the phone called 'Introline' today. It's weird I know but you don't have meet up. basically you listen to men or women talking about themselves what they are interested in and what they looking for; friendship/companionship, relationships or sometimes some want just to hook up. Also you might hear of couples wanting to have threesomes. Then they leave a code number you can message back on a answering machine thingy and see how it goes from there.
Well sadly no luck so far. I am upset, angry and confused that I can't find someone love me back. Will I ever find someone? I say confused because I still think about Jason every moment of the day. I don't know how he feels either which eats me up inside. I find myself crying a lot lately. I can't stand feeling like this.


28th January


Hello there Introline I received a message this morning on my answering machine. He sounds nice, his name is Ben. Ben just wants a friendship someone to hang out go to movies etc. That's okay I guess cause I should take things slowly especially how emotionally vulnerable I am right now. I am lonely so this would be nice. It is really fucked with my situation because I had to make a choice to stay here at Malvern House Women's Shelter because Jason left me with our new born child and staying with my parents would have been too stressful as my dad fights a lot with my mum.
 I don't how would have coped though seriously so yeah here I am  2 and half months later. I wouldn't have got myself a house or unit that quick. Malvern House gives you short term accommodation with other benefits of having a safe place to stay. The staff help with child care services at least once a week whilst you attended art/craft lessons or women's groups.I pay $90 a week for a 2 bedroom fully furnished modern unit with nice gardens and closed in private backyard. We only had to bring linen and clothes etc. I pay electricity and gas and my phone bills of course too.
Oh wow so nervous just realised Ben will call me in 20 minutes. Shit what and how do I start a conversation with him,arghh!! I will go have a bong to calm me nerves.

28th February 2002
 Wednesday


I lot of things have happened since i wrote in here last. Where do I start?

Firstly I went out with two guys from Introline. Ben which I mentioned in my other entries. We didn't last long as it was a friendship more but really nice. He took me out for dinner down by the one night. We even had a little cuddle watching the sun go down as we walked down the sand along the shore. Ben was sweet, but he just came out of a huge painful relationship a bit like me and he wasn't ready for anything more. Apparently he was state cricketer which took up most of his time also with training and interstate trips. Eventually he drifted out of my life and I never heard from him again.
The other guy was Darren, which I shouldn't have even gone down that road. He was strange. We spent some nights together, kissed a few times but mostly talked to get to know each other. The dumb idiot thought cause I didn't talk to him for a while wrote notes to Malvern House thinking he got me pregnant even though we didn't actually have sex. Yep!! I don't think he knew that ya have to get ya dick wet. Mum or Dad didn't teach him about the birds and bees obviously.
The next thing to happen was Sophie started going out with a new guy called Trent. One night at the shelter I heard a knock at my door it was really late nearly midnight. I was stunned to see it was him at my door. I asked him "whats going on, where's Sophie is she okay". Trent answered with "yes Penny she is okay, she is at my house, Sophie wants you to come over". I thought it was strange and why so late but still grabbed my things and rugged Kate up and left with him.
At first it was a long silence then he said "look, Sophie and I have been fighting because I want a threesome and she got me to choose one of her friends that I rather have join us, I chose you obviously, she isn't happy but wants to please me". Wow yes well now here was me not knowing how to take that bombshell let alone not knowing if I want to. Trent went on to mention how he thinks I'm hot and can't stop looking at me.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to, I mean Trent is hot. He is stocky with huge muscles. Trent was a furniture removerlist. But sorry to say Sophie wasn't that good looking and a little over weight.

It went silent for a bit again. I felt awkward and didn't know what to say. After thinking for while I said "um, I will if she is comfortable with it". Anyway it wasn't good we started to do it when Sophie said "can you let us be now Penny". I didn't want to I was getting into it, really enjoying how Trent was doing me hard. Then Trent got pissed off telling her to leave me alone he doesn't mind. Sophie started getting even more angry trying to get me to leave the room. "Apparently" Kate was crying in the next room, when none of us heard her.
I was mean mean hey!! Disgusting but I felt unreal.
When she went to get a drink, Trent couldn't stop putting his hands all over me and kissing my neck. Ooops! Sophie came back to catch us fully at it . I can't believe myself either, I did this. That was that she stormed into Beck and Dennis's room which Beck lives at Malvern House to but Dennis and Trent are flat mates. Sophie wakes them to tell them. Beck was then all up in my face swearing and calling me every name under the sun. Trent had to take me back to Malvern House before it got really nasty. The next day Sophie was still furious yelling abuse and throwing things out onto the car park. It was bad for I couldn't move from my unit afraid she would bash me.
I couldn't even get Beth to help me she was still in Sydney visiting her mum. Suddenly Sophie went back into her unit I quickly made a dash to the office for safety and tell someone.
A week later Emma moved out. Trent contacted me and we started going out. During this time Malvern House found me a unit too. A nice place in Windsor Gardens, two bedroom but it i made it mine.  Felt bad about breaking them up should never have threesomes involving couples. Going out with Trent was great  the best I felt in years.
 The way he spoiled me and our sex was unbelievable. We went to Port Power games, out for dinner, to the drive-ins and even for Valentines Day he bought be chocolates, a rose and some sexy black and red lacy bra and g-string. Then he took me down to Aldinga Beach where we had sex for hours. After while Beck and Dennis forgave me for what happened that night. One night us four had a few drinks sitting around chatting. Beck grabbed me and took me to the bathroom and then she started putting make- up on me and doing my hair.
Beck said we should put on a show for our men they will never forget. She showed me some erotic clothing I could borrow. I ended up wearing all white nice top and short white skirt with lace up "fuck me"boots. Anyway it was another strange moment in my life that I had never experienced before. Dennis came up behind Beck who was behind me in the bathroom and put his arms around both of us and he whispered "aww how I could do both of you right now, you girls are so hot".
Next we were all slouching around on the couch drunk when Dennis said he wanted to see Beck and I kiss each other. So we did. Yummy she was a great kisser. Before I could do anything else Beck wanted more and Dennis was eager to see it too. Next beck puts on some awesome music to get us all in mood, she placed two chairs back to back in the middle of the lounge room. Beck told the men to sit. Beck started I watched then got the idea and confidence to start on Trent. Yes we gave our men a lap dance.  Then Beck stripped off and started fucking Dennis so what the hell I thought I did too. It was insanely intense.
 

A kind of song great for stripping!!!